1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,361 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,168 (no voice) 3 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:18,774 ♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪ 4 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:24,413 ♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪ 5 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:26,991 ♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪ 6 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,789 ♪ On the night we kissed ♪ 7 00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:35,026 ♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪ 8 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:40,765 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 9 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:46,038 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 10 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:52,311 ♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪ 11 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:57,480 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 12 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,388 ♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪ 13 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:08,392 - I got it! - Quick, open it up before Mom gets in here! 14 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,427 Hey, hey, what's going on? 15 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,732 Jennifer opened the cereal. 16 00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:15,932 I couldn't stop her. 17 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,737 Now, look, there's a perfectly good box of cereal in there. 18 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:21,608 Why do you have to open a new one? 19 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,010 To find the clue. 20 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:24,343 What clue? 21 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:27,476 The clue to the "Find the Colonel Crackle" contest. 22 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,417 I don't care about that; this is food. 23 00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,114 You just don't waste it. 24 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,316 What contest? 25 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,724 Mom, Colonel Crackle is lost somewhere in Ohio, 26 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,796 and in every box, there's a different clue 27 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,955 to his whereabouts. 28 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,157 If you find him, 29 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,564 you call the Crackle Hotline and win $5,000. 30 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:44,192 Let me see that. 31 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,963 ELYSE: So, the clue is somewhere inside the box? 32 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,973 (several talking at once) 33 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,670 Hey, hey, Mom! Mom! Mom! 34 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,177 Don't you think you're a little old 35 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,748 to be fighting over a prize in a cereal box? 36 00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,976 See, Colonel Crackle cereal's having a contest. 37 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,144 It's kind of fun. 38 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,016 Mom, remember who you're talking to. 39 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,716 I'm 21 years old. I'm a senior in college. 40 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,419 I couldn't care less about some cereal contest. 41 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:11,530 You can win $5,000. 42 00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,697 (excited chatter) 43 00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,029 ELYSE: Stop! 44 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,832 Now, how about this for a solution? 45 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,907 We can all help find Colonel Crackle, 46 00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,976 and then when we do find him, we will share the prize. 47 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:28,842 What, you mean we got to split it four ways? 48 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,916 Look, pal, we only had to split it three ways 49 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,177 till you came through the door. 50 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,987 All right, all right, okay, we'll split it four ways, 51 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:38,385 but that's it, all right? 52 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,891 - We don't tell anybody else about this. - ELYSE: No. 53 00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,359 Hey, what's going on? 54 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,123 Oh, nothing, Mal, nothing at all, 55 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,459 nothing at all. 56 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:49,796 Hey, what's new in the world of knitwear? 57 00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,801 - Hey. - Hey, Dad, have you heard 58 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,599 that Colonel Crackle is missing? 59 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:57,039 And I never really got a chance to say good-bye. 60 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,077 ALEX: Hey, Dad, have you no respect 61 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,077 for Colonel Crackle lore? 62 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,547 A colonel that meets 100%/ of the minimum daily requirements 63 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,311 of vitamins A through E? 64 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:10,286 A colonel that remains crunchy even in milk? 65 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,721 Exciting as that may be, I have some news 66 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,850 from the non-cereal world that may interest you. 67 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,827 There's a job opening up at the station. 68 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,763 Oh, Dad. I'm so happy. 69 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:25,063 You're leaving public television! 70 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:28,197 Oh, it is a wise, wise decision. 71 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:31,105 Alex, it's not my job that's open. 72 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,337 (Alex sighs) 73 00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,879 Why do you tease me like that? 74 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,880 It's an intern position. 75 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:40,008 An opportunity for the right young person 76 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,747 to work at the station and really learn the ropes. 77 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,878 That sounds great, Steven. 78 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:46,048 Do you have anyone in mind for the job? 79 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,854 Well, as a matter of fact, I do: Mallory. 80 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,724 What?! 81 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:54,026 What did... what did I do? 82 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,032 Well, I think it's a great idea. 83 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,399 Alex worked at the station. He loved it. 84 00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:00,438 Didn't you? 85 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,768 Absolutely. 86 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,968 The finest experience I've ever had. 87 00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,238 - I highly recommend it. - See? 88 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,377 All right. (sighs) 89 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,643 We know Crackle is out there. 90 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:17,484 We know he's somewhere in the downtown Cleveland area. 91 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,489 The question is where. Damn! 92 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,652 All right, Jen, read that... read that last clue again. 93 00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:26,026 "At 2:00 p.m. Last Saturday, Colonel Crackle was seen 94 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,690 "at a Cleveland cafe with his cereal sister, 95 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,202 "Molly Oats and Fiber. 96 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:35,136 "Molly ate four containers of strawberry yogurt 97 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,334 "and handed Colonel Crackle a key. 98 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,967 He fled." 99 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,376 This tells us nothing. 100 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,004 No, Jen. 101 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,482 No, no, this tells us a lot. 102 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,588 This tells us that Crackle has a sister... 103 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,748 and that she's health-conscious. 104 00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:56,794 Is Colonel Crackle a real person? 105 00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,295 Well, uh, not exactly, Andy. 106 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,766 Then how are we supposed to find him if he doesn't exist? 107 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,895 Let's not get philosophical here, all right? 108 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,632 - Dad's not in here, is he? - No, he's upstairs. 109 00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:14,042 - I can go and get him for you. - No. No. No. 110 00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:17,547 If I see him, he's gonna try and bring up that PBS thing again. 111 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,015 He won't take no for an answer. 112 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,813 He's been going at it for hours. 113 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:23,285 I haven't even had a chance to eat. I'm starving. 114 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,153 STEVEN: Elyse, this is a chance Mallory shouldn't miss. 115 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:29,227 Every time an opportunity like this comes up, she qui... 116 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,922 Oh, come on, you guys are really making a mess 117 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,532 with this Crackle business. 118 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:36,430 Come on, guys, let's go upstairs and check out the Crackle map. 119 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,799 It's in my room. 120 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,237 All right, let's call Skippy. 121 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:45,208 We'll find out how he's doing with Crackle's dental records 122 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,370 and his hair analysis. 123 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,811 Elyse, I really think Mallory could benefit 124 00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,418 by working down at the station with me. 125 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:54,577 I don't know, Steven. 126 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,313 I was surprised you even offered her the job. 127 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,447 I would think it's the last place she'd want to work. 128 00:05:58,591 --> 00:05:59,990 Elyse, I'm not blind. 129 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,060 I realize there could be some problems 130 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,026 with having Mallory work at the station, 131 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,994 but I think it's worth the risk. 132 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,566 Uh, where's the mayonnaise? 133 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,066 It's in there. 134 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,140 Now, I realize this job doesn't fall 135 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:17,538 into what we'd normally call her area, 136 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,736 but how do we really know what her area is? 137 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,540 She's at an age where she could go 138 00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:22,943 in a lot of different directions. 139 00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:26,074 Uh, I just think this could be an opportunity to grow. 140 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,210 Where is the mayonnaise? 141 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,357 ELYSE: Well, I think we have to look at it 142 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,550 from her point of view. 143 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,355 You know, we've had this discussion before. 144 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,327 Fashion is what she loves. 145 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,931 She may be unsure now, 146 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,001 but I think she'll learn a lot from this experience. 147 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,468 Maybe-maybe I'm wrong, but I think I have 148 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,938 a very good sense of where Mallory is at. 149 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,478 What I don't know is where the mayonnaise is. 150 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,945 Oh, I'll get another one. 151 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:03,200 Ripped By mstoll 152 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,688 Mom, look. We both have mayonnaise. 153 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,987 Dad, where's your jar? 154 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,531 Mallory, where did you come from? 155 00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,031 I came from outside. 156 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,999 Somebody must have left this in the driveway. 157 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,730 Well, there it is. Enjoy it. I'll be in my room. 158 00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:22,500 Wait a minute. We never finished our conversation. 159 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:23,700 Really? I thought we had. 160 00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:27,210 Uh, I'll leave you two alone. 161 00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:30,440 So, um... Mal, have you given any more thought 162 00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,574 to, uh, working at the station? 163 00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,777 I have, Dad. 164 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,616 And? 165 00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:39,486 I just don't know, Dad. 166 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,183 I don't want to pressure you at all. 167 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,420 Whatever you decide will be fine with me. 168 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,690 I-I just don't know, Dad. 169 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,390 I'll tell you what. 170 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,330 Why don't you come down to the station 171 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,437 for a day, just give it a try? 172 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,505 I don't know, Dad. 173 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,301 It's a wonderful opportunity, Mal. 174 00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:59,468 This thing could open up a whole new world for you. 175 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,079 I don't know, Dad. 176 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,910 And I'd be so proud to have you there with me. 177 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,950 I just think you'd be terrific at this. 178 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,484 I don't know, Dad. 179 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,020 Great! 180 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,125 Oh, Mal, this is going to be fabulous! 181 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,458 I don't know, Dad. 182 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,326 Well, madam, according to our records, 183 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,525 you pledged $150 during the last pledge drive, 184 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:25,330 and we haven't received it yet. 185 00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:28,872 Well, could you tell us when it might be coming? 186 00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:34,004 Well, then you're not gonna get your tote bag. 187 00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:35,704 Don't worry about it, Mallory. 188 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,214 I mean, over the years, we've found that, uh, 189 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,649 20% of our so-called patrons... 190 00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:42,651 just plain liars. 191 00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:45,382 And we're running out of tote bags anyhow. 192 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,493 So, how's it going? 193 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,960 I don't know, Gus. I mean, to tell you the truth, 194 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,724 part of me is really bored being here 195 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:54,730 and part of me thinks it's a mistake and... 196 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,030 and part of me is determined to do the best job I can do and... 197 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,468 well, part of me just wants to go shopping. 198 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,101 Now, there's a beautiful sight. 199 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:07,212 My oldest daughter with her shoes on my lunch. 200 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,280 Sorry, Dad. 201 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,905 No, no. I don't mind a bit. 202 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,483 It's great to walk into my office 203 00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,142 and see your smiling face. 204 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,755 Oh, well, what about my smiling face, Steve? 205 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,653 Don't you start competing with Mallory, now, Gus. 206 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,521 You're beautiful in your own way. 207 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:23,060 Aw... 208 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,060 Keep up the good work, now, Mallory. 209 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,062 "Good work"? I like the sound of that. 210 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,667 - You know, he doesn't say that to everybody. - Good work, Steve. 211 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:30,996 Thank... 212 00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,627 (chuckles) So, how's it going? 213 00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:33,704 Are you enjoying yourself? 214 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,568 Is it everything you hoped it would be? 215 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:38,700 Well, I got to talk on the phone a little. 216 00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,436 I like that. 217 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,275 You know, Mal, my two greatest loves 218 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,248 are my family... and my work here at the station. 219 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,615 Having you here brings those two worlds together. 220 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,654 I couldn't be happier. 221 00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,121 I'm glad. 222 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,350 Hey, come here. 223 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:54,823 I got a surprise for you. 224 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,326 Something that will make you happy 225 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,521 and very excited. 226 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,189 I don't have to work here anymore? 227 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,132 (laughing): Come on! Oh, Mal! 228 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,262 Look, look, I know you're not completely sold on this yet, 229 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,375 but I also know that when you're faced with a challenge, 230 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,306 you accept it, you can do it. 231 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,777 - You rise to the occasion! - (laughs) 232 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,848 Not always. 233 00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:19,850 Most of the time. 234 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,147 Not now. 235 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,518 I've come up with a special assignment for you. 236 00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,181 I think you're really gonna like it. 237 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,919 Is it about fashion? Because I can do a great job 238 00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,688 - if it's about fashion. - Oh, no, no, 239 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,422 you already know everything about fashion. 240 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,999 I think it's time for you to, uh, branch out 241 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,931 and really try something different. 242 00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,333 - Beauty tips? - No. 243 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,770 You're going to work with me. 244 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,205 - (high-pitched): Wha? - Mm-hmm. 245 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:50,012 Yeah, I want you to write some copy for a short segment 246 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,639 of Ohio in Review. 247 00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:54,514 It's a show about what's going on in Ohio 248 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,417 from, uh, political news to human interest stories. 249 00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:59,888 I'm flattered, Dad, but I've never even seen the show. 250 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,153 What are you talking about? We watch it all the time. 251 00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:03,522 It's on Sundays at 4:00 252 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,858 after Animals, Animals, Everywhere Animals. 253 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:09,701 Oh, Ohio in Review. 254 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,666 I love that show. 255 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,897 We're going to work on it together! 256 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,338 You behind the scenes, me on camera. 257 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,705 Keatons, Keatons, Everywhere Keatons. 258 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,835 (Steven laughing) 259 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,976 All right, now... 260 00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,989 these dots trace the colonel's path... 261 00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,150 since he was discovered missing. 262 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:39,196 Can we end this soon, Alex? I have a life to lead. 263 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,526 This is a little more important than you might think. 264 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,795 Now, the colonel is out here somewhere... 265 00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,802 in the middle of nowhere, 266 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,271 and he's cold and he is hungry. 267 00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:50,705 How can he be hungry? 268 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:53,539 He's made of cereal. 269 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,409 Now, we know he is definitely in the Columbus area. 270 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,814 Uh, Mom, Mom, you... you able to help us out on this? 271 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,819 Look, I have more important things to do, if you don't mind. 272 00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,422 I'd like to work in peace. 273 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,922 Sorry, sorry. All right, Jen... 274 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,889 read me the next clue. 275 00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,961 "On the corner with the tree that cries, 276 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,087 "the sweetest birthday wins the prize. 277 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,256 Sincerely, the Colonel." 278 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,130 A tree that cries. Hmm. 279 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,134 When would a tree cry? 280 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:22,604 If he saw E.T. 281 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,906 A tree that cries. A tree that cries. 282 00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,571 Weeping willow. 283 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:33,048 Jen, quick! Look up weeping willow on the map. 284 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,282 I found it, Alex. There's a Willow Street. 285 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,586 You're a genius, Mom. 286 00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,250 All right, all right, I gave you a clue. 287 00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,385 Do me a favor... take this in the other room. 288 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,054 Oh, come on, Mom. Don't bail out on us now. 289 00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:47,927 Forget about this architecture stuff, okay? 290 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,297 You got a chance to win five grand here. 291 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,664 Alex. 292 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:53,931 Mom. Okay, now, the next part of the clue is, 293 00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,938 "Sweetest birthday wins the prize." 294 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,940 Sweetest birthday wins the prize. 295 00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,101 Alex, please, will you? 296 00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:00,439 Come on. Sweetest birthday, Mom. 297 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,945 - Come on. Come on, Ma, Mommy! - I... 298 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,549 Come on, sweetest birthday, Mom. 299 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,844 - Come on. - Sweet... sweet 16! 300 00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,681 Jen, quick, uh, uh, Willow and 16th! 301 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,083 That's it! We found it! 302 00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,416 Oh, quick! 303 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,751 Call the Crackle Hotline! 304 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,359 Oh, what's the number? What's the number? 305 00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:15,755 Uh, I don't know. It's on the cereal box! 306 00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,385 - Where's the cereal box? - Uh, it's in the kitchen! 307 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,090 - Where's the kitchen? - Over there! Go! Go! Go! 308 00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:22,257 (Jennifer squealing) 309 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,530 Mal? 310 00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:32,074 Yeah, Dad. 311 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,508 Where are you going? 312 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,308 Nowhere. I was... I was stretching. 313 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,712 We've still got a lot of work to do. 314 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,217 Oh, good, good. 315 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:44,845 I-I was afraid we were just going to do those nine hours. 316 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,821 Come on. We've just scratched the surface. 317 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,757 Now, here, uh, take this, uh... take this folder. 318 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,420 Now, uh, let's, uh... let's look over, uh, 319 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,499 the areas we want to cover. 320 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:57,568 Now, I-I know I definitely want to touch on, uh, uh, 321 00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:59,933 Congressman Willeck's trip to the Persian Gulf. 322 00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,131 What approach do you think we should take? 323 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,538 A fashion approach. 324 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,838 Yeah, yeah, fashion does have its place, 325 00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,606 but there are some things more important 326 00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:09,839 than color coordination. 327 00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,813 After all, there's a war going on. 328 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,647 Dad, do you ever stop to think 329 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,778 that maybe if the world were color-coordinated 330 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,913 there'd be no more wars? 331 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:24,192 After all, when colors clash, men are soon to follow. 332 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,361 Well, okay, you write a little, um, uh, fashion prospective, 333 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:31,992 and I'll see if I can fit it in the report. 334 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:33,627 Um, okay. 335 00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,740 Yeah, uh-huh. 336 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,570 How can that be a Crackle Hotline 337 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,302 if the line is always busy? 338 00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,503 I mean, what would happen 339 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:43,080 if someone had an actual Crackle crisis? 340 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,773 Alex, I'm so glad you're here. 341 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:47,147 I'm going completely nuts working with Dad at the station. 342 00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,378 It is a disaster. 343 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:52,684 "I told you so" is such an ugly phrase. 344 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,492 All right, give me the details. 345 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,096 Alex, I am so bored down there. 346 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:01,131 I feel like I've entered one of Dad's documentaries. 347 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,970 Like... like, at any moment, 348 00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,165 I'm going to be shot with a tranquilizer gun, 349 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,970 tagged, weighed and shipped to a wildlife preserve. 350 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:18,914 Well, maybe you'll turn up 351 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,043 on Anima/s, Anima/s, Everywhere Anima/s. 352 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,853 All right, look, uh, Mal, why don't you just quit? 353 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,152 Oh, I can't do that. 354 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,524 It means the world to Dad that I'm working there. 355 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:31,994 He's so proud of me. 356 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,292 He keeps calling staff meetings to introduce me. 357 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,425 I've met Gus 80 times. 358 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,799 All right, well, then, look at it this way, okay? 359 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,339 I had to go through it, now you have to go through it. 360 00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,873 I mean, it's a fact of life, 361 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,135 growing up in the Keaton household. 362 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,973 I mean, right now, Jen is working on her segment 363 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,273 of Ohio in Review. 364 00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:52,384 So, just hang with it, and-and sooner or later, 365 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,248 your basic incompetence will shine through. 366 00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:58,579 I sure hope so. 367 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,827 Gus, have you seen Mallory? 368 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,522 Uh, yeah. She's in the control room. 369 00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,656 - She should be down here in a minute. - Oh. 370 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,065 I tell you, Elyse, I'm getting a little worried. 371 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,636 - About Mallory? - No. 372 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:13,931 About me. 373 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,938 Now, if you and Steven keep shipping your offspring 374 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:18,168 down here to the station, I got the feeling 375 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,107 I'm going to find myself out of a job. 376 00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,735 (laughter) 377 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,178 Oh, you know, Elyse, one day this little girl 378 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,944 is going to work at this station, too. 379 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:31,079 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm packing my bags. 380 00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,850 Hello? Hello, operator. Yeah. 381 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,155 I'm-I'm trying to get through to the Crackle Hotline. 382 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:39,355 B-But the line is always busy. 383 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,433 Oh, I... oh, you're trying to call, too? 384 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,195 Oh, really? 385 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,099 Well, where do you think he is? 386 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,229 (laughs) 387 00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,572 The telephone operator thinks 388 00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,008 that Colonel Crackle is under a bus in Dayton. 389 00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,443 (Andrew laughs) 390 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,811 BOTH: We're going to be rich! 391 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,144 Uh, you better hurry, Mallory. 392 00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,275 We're going to go in about two minutes. 393 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,411 Yeah, I'm ready. I just got to set this stuff up. 394 00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,817 - Hey, how's my partner? - Fine. Fine. 395 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,083 I did everything you said. 396 00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:07,715 I've got all the copy right here, 397 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,919 and I put all the cassettes in the control room. 398 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,359 Great, great. Way to go, Mal. 399 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:14,432 All right, Steven, I need you onstage now. 400 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,033 All right. No, no. Crackle. 401 00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,227 C-R-A-C-K-L-E. 402 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,667 Crackle. 403 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,238 - (musical fanfare plays) - Come on. 404 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,034 - No. Crackle. - Alex, come over here. Alex. 405 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,769 MALE ANNOUNCER: WKS proudly presents Ohio in Review. 406 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,344 Colonel Crackle! C-R-A... 407 00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:29,470 - Come on. - C-K-L... 408 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,183 Hello and welcome. 409 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:36,344 I'm the general manager of WKS, Steven Crackle. 410 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,479 I... 411 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:46,396 That's, um, Steven "Crackle" Keaton. 412 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,523 Welcome to Ohio in Review. 413 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,532 At the top of Ohio happenings tonight, 414 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,660 the Dayton Drive-Through Lion Safari 415 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,932 celebrated its fifth anniversary this week, 416 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,874 and a huge crowd was on hand to see monkeys, baboons 417 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,378 and the like strut their stuff for children of all ages. 418 00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,948 And Congressman Jim Willeck returned 419 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,018 from his recent fact-finding mission 420 00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,620 to the war-torn region of the Persian Gulf. 421 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:12,121 The four-term congressman was dressed 422 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,485 in a lovely chiffon gown 423 00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:16,093 with diamanté shoulder straps by Galanos. 424 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,530 He was? 425 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,725 I'm sorry, Dad. 426 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,165 It must have gotten mixed up with that... 427 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:25,793 - with that fashion report... - Yeah, that's all right. 428 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,269 ...I was... I was working on. 429 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,340 - Yeah, here. - Here. Okay, go ahead. 430 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,999 Hi, Mom. 431 00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,134 - ELYSE: I'm over here. - Oh, hi. 432 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,578 Willeck reported that the Iranian leadership 433 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,315 repeated their demands for a cease-fire with Iraq. 434 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,585 These included free passage through the Straits of Hormuz, 435 00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:51,821 an embargo on Iraqi oil products 436 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,296 and a pair of sling-back, open-toed shoes 437 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,697 for tomorrow night's dance. 438 00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,166 I'm sorry, Dad. 439 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,739 No, it's okay. Let's-let's roll the videotape. 440 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:05,810 In national news, the president, at a press conference today, 441 00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:07,673 stated that he and other government officials 442 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,839 were hard at work trying to cut down on defense spending. 443 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,178 - He also said... - Dad. 444 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,013 Not-not now. Not now, honey. 445 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,554 The president emphasized that the huge federal deficit, 446 00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:22,922 while troublesome, was something we can't run away from. 447 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:26,087 The key, he said, was to try to ride it out. 448 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,892 Dad, I made a mistake. 449 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:29,796 I think they're showing the wrong videotape. 450 00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:31,368 Mm-hmm. What? 451 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,562 This just in. 452 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:36,697 Monkeys, monkeys, everywhere monkeys. 453 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,400 Dad, just go to a commercial. 454 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:39,943 We don't have a commercial. We... 455 00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:41,340 Can I just use this phone? 456 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,505 Alex, please. 457 00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:49,346 - ALEX: Crackle! C-R-A-C-K-L-E! - (banging on desk) 458 00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,990 I'm going to go up to put, uh... put Andy to bed. 459 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,653 - I'll check on Mallory, too. - Good idea. 460 00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,788 I'm just going to use the phone. 461 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,332 Alex, don't you think 462 00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:05,902 you're being a little insensitive? 463 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,337 Jennifer, we're talking about $5,000 here. 464 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:11,601 Make the call. 465 00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:13,870 Yeah, at last! It's ringing! It's ringing! 466 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,946 Hello! Hello. 467 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,675 I would like your complete and undivided attention. 468 00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,375 My name is Alex P. Keaton. 469 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:23,511 Colonel Crackle is in downtown Columbus 470 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:26,021 on the corner of Willow and... 471 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:27,557 (sighs) 472 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,558 What? 473 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:32,425 I beg your pardon? 474 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,226 That's impossible. 475 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,301 Really? 476 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:40,872 I see. I see. 477 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:45,576 Alex, what's the matter? 478 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,847 Colonel Crackle was found under a bus in Dayton. 479 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,916 By a telephone operator. 480 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,854 My God, is he all right? 481 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,257 Mallory's door is locked. 482 00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:08,366 She won't come down. 483 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,764 Hey. 484 00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:13,370 You seem to be taking it awfully hard, Alex. 485 00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:17,171 It's okay. Hey, it's okay. 486 00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:21,211 The job just... just wasn't right for her. 487 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:24,577 A telephone operator. 488 00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:26,707 Yeah, maybe she could do that. 489 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,045 Mom, what should we tell Mallory about the show? 490 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:32,179 I mean, should we tell her we liked it? 491 00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,155 We should just tell her the truth, honey. 492 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,658 Oh, Mom, come on. It was embarrassing. 493 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,056 It was humiliating. 494 00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:38,219 And it-it was... 495 00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:40,524 it was the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 496 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:43,829 - That is true. Yeah. - Yeah, I believe that, I do. 497 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,061 Hey, loved it, Mal. 498 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:46,670 That was the finest piece of tele-journalism 499 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,636 - I have ever seen. - STEVEN: It's certainly 500 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,105 - new ground down at... - Thought that, too. 501 00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:51,766 - I'm sending out for transcripts. - ALEX: Stunning. 502 00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:54,276 You're all very nice, but I know what it was... 503 00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:56,438 a complete disaster. 504 00:21:56,581 --> 00:22:00,142 Well, I'm afraid you're right on the money there, yeah. 505 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,111 Telephone operator. 506 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,152 I'm so sorry, Dad. 507 00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,489 I mean, I-I swear I tried my best, 508 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:15,066 but I was just in way over my head, and I apologize. 509 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,168 I thought you were doing great! 510 00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:20,567 If it was too much for you, why didn't you come to me? 511 00:22:20,706 --> 00:22:22,435 Why didn't you say so? 512 00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:24,542 Oh, I'd go to work every day, 513 00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,701 and you were so happy I was there 514 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,904 and so proud of every little thing I did. 515 00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:31,447 And there I was going through the motions, 516 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:33,881 and not really knowing what I was doing. 517 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,078 Except that I was doing it for you. 518 00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,280 And I didn't want to let you down. 519 00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:41,392 I think I'm the one who let you down. 520 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,960 I pushed you into areas... you didn't want to go. 521 00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,620 Areas you shouldn't go. 522 00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,095 I'm sorry. 523 00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:49,496 I really ruined your show. 524 00:22:49,634 --> 00:22:52,626 - No. - I hope your ratings don't drop. 525 00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:56,104 Fortunately, Mal, that's completely impossible. 526 00:22:58,343 --> 00:22:59,970 I love you so much, honey. 527 00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:02,239 I just want the whole world to open up for you, 528 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,747 to see you go and do things that... 529 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,817 I didn't have a chance to do. 530 00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:09,546 I don't know. Maybe every father feels that way. 531 00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:11,451 But I am doing things I want, Dad, 532 00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:13,683 and I'm doing things I never thought I'd do. 533 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:15,793 I'm going to college. You and Mom gave me that. 534 00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:17,724 Good. 535 00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:21,594 And even though I'll never, never, ever work 536 00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:24,793 at your station again, 537 00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:27,131 I've learned from you the value of work, 538 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:29,604 but it has to be my kind of work. 539 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:33,275 - Okay. - Okay. 540 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:34,902 (Steven chuckles) 541 00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:38,345 It was really nice having you down there. 542 00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:40,781 I loved seeing you so much. 543 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,080 It was nice for me, too. 544 00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:45,018 So, it wasn't all bad, huh? 545 00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:46,818 Some parts you liked? 546 00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:48,448 Sure. 547 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:50,561 STEVEN: Yes. 548 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:51,855 Well... (sighs) Oh, I don't know. 549 00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:53,487 Maybe, uh, you know, under... 550 00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:55,429 under better circumstances, it, uh... 551 00:23:55,567 --> 00:23:58,161 You know, maybe if, uh, Jennifer were down there 552 00:23:58,303 --> 00:24:01,295 helping you and Alex. Alex, too, Andy. 553 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,739 You know, maybe if you all worked there at the same time... 554 00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:07,344 I don't know, Dad. 555 00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:36,902 MAN: Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog. 556 00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:38,168 (Ubu barks) 557 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:48,500 Ripped By mstoll